12/9/2016

In Attendance: Cash, Chess, Pastor, Scribe, Silent Bob, Stephen, Tango

Nicknames are evolving at T-14 at such a pace to draw suspicion from Fort Lauderdale PD. Once all T-14 members secure new handles, we will circumcise our watches and roll over a Dairy Queen. For you home-gamers, the latest movement in this regard is Gary becoming Tango and Wolff being called Cash.

December 9^th was an intimate and gut-busting affair to the point Pastor became puddly in his pants, and Scribe forgot to take some notes. Luckily, Pastor held confession last night at Yolo over several goblets of reindeer juice, and Scribe was absolved of his sins with a sign of the cross and penance of 3 Miller Lights and 2 Yuenglings.

Being the T-14 elder, Cash dispensed invaluable wisdom and observations deserving immortalization in the blog. The first is that “working out is a waste of time”. Scribe finds this advice highly pertinent to his circumstance, realizing that despite working out almost every day, 1) Cash would trounce him in an arm wrestling match in light of a rotator cuff tear and 2) would likewise thrash him in a foot race as his orthotics—worn to address drifting plantar bone fragments and minor hip dysplasia—are splitting and in need or replacement. Were he a horse, Scribe would have been put down some time during the Clinton administration.

Cash’s second immortal prudential nugget is to “just trade shit”. With a face that screamed, “I’m getting puddly in my pants just thinking about it,” Cash is outwardly modest about the small war chest he is amassing, “Just trading shit and knowing that I will make money 70% of the time.” His personal tagline, “I don’t know half the crap I own,” can be found in his upcoming business success book, “Fuck It!”

Meanwhile, Silent Bob spent ten minutes describing a listing to a billionaire who hung up 30 seconds into their conversation.

With that, the Table 14 mantra for the week is: It’s OK to break wind as long as you don’t put on airs.