4/14/2017 - Only 1770s Kids Will Remember This Party

Scribe thankfully posts this content authored by Solomon in his absence.

Attendees: (Full list unknown) Ant-ny, Dreadlock Fetus, Mike, Pastor, Perfect Storm, Ryan (the new guy and Cousin Vinny), Silent Bob, Solomon, Whitey

Evidently the Perfect Storm is also the perfect squirter. Technically he squirted Pastor with a lemon but nonetheless, it was determined Ant-ny has a shitty real estate agent. 

The other perfect squirter

Once again Pastor left his car keys during the table switch but this time it was caught quickly. 

Silent Bob decided he didn't like his full beer so he proceeded to silently spill it everywhere. 

When concerned about his taxes Ant-ny looked at Dave and said "Hey Jew when is the tax deadline"? 

Due to sounding like Joe Pesci, Ryan the new guy has been nicknamed Cousin Vinny. 

DF and Mike sat in the corner. Ant-ny and Dave agreed this was collusion. We tried to get Whitey to sit next to them so that color would go in descending order but he would not cooperate. 

Pastor tried to recall where he was from the ages of 22-28. Per Ant-ny part of that time he must have been at the Boston Tea Party.

And the Table 14 mantra of the day is: There are known knowns, unknowns, non knowns, and of course things we don't know.

3/13/2017 - Armageddon Out of Here!

Attending: Cash, Frank, Raymond, Scribe, Pastor, Perfect Storm, Tango

Despite prolific laughter emanating from the table, the conversation topics were dour, at best. The general theme: Armageddon. This topic was championed by Perfect Storm, positing that shortly, the only organisms gracing the table will be people with gold, roaches, amoebas, fruit flies, and Keith Richards (not necessarily carrying gold). During the conversation, cash cited the interest rate in 1932, and he didn't even have to consult his filing cabinet, a.k.a., his pocket.

Just as Scribe was ready to order a pint of hemlock, the topic thankfully shifted as smokergeddon broke out, again. That is, Tango abruptly, out of nowhere but his own brain, jumped out of Silent Bob's traditional seat, shoving chairs--with people in them--out of the way. Someone at the next table had fired up a coffin nail, and Tango was having none of it. Now being retired, going postal was off the table, so he sat strategically positioned to fire a visual laser in this smoker's direction that burnt a hole in the trousers of an unsuspecting rice farmer in Pyongyang. Now having been a former smoker with a severely addictive personality, Scribe jumped at the chance to take Tango's seat, inhaling the secondary sarcoma smog he so used to love. Thank you, Tango!

Then Cash brought up the most important word in the world to him: Jihaderadication, defined (by him) as "A term used by some imams in informal associations of mosques in the United States and some other countries to rid their congregations of some radicals." He apparently would like to post this on Wikipedia, but anonymously since he appreciates the benefits of having a head.

So come to Table 14 for uplifting conversation and cold beer! And let's raise a glass for an uplifting toast to Bill "piece of shit" Di Blasio, reciting the Table 14 mantra for the week: "Sweet little thing, why wait for armageddon when I can take you to paradise right now?"