5/19/2017 - Thanks for the Mammaries

Attending: Cash, (Sorry) Charlie (Cash's son-in-law), Dreadlock Fetus, Frank, Levy, Pastor, SAM (self-appointed mentee - Mike), Scribe, Silent Bob, Tango, Tom, Whitey

Upon Scribe arriving late from an interview, Tom realized he was late for a beating from his wife and left in a trail of smoke and fire that melted the Velcro on his shoes. It would be funny if he actually had Velcro on his shoes because Scribe is not nearly observant enough to know.

Watch this!

Scribe's half-hour absence was ample time for Pastor to have a life revelation--more money is better than less.

Then DF arrived and immediately took the table on a trip down mammary lane, showing us a timeline of his female conquests on his phone. Pastor looked at the phone and said, "It's not working!" Several table members started fishing through their pockets for blue pills. Thankfully, he was referring to the screen, which is fine because Cash doesn't like it when people play with their instruments in public, anyway. Many of DF's exhibits had ample phone sex appeal.

Speaking of pills, it may be shocking to know that DF buys them in $55-dollar lots to get laid ... by the Herbalife chick. Sounds like he's going to need us to take up a collection soon. 

DF introduced everyone to a new position he uses on his business/pleasure meetings/dates called the 401k rollover.

Here is a lecture by a Nepalese professor on behalf of Whitey explaining the versatility of the word fuck.

And the Table 14 mantra of the week (courtesy of Cash's persistence) is "Drinking iced tea at our table is like":

• Bringing pennies to a poker game.
• Bringing a Yugo to a drag race.
• Bringing a wiffle bat to the World Series.
• Bringing high heels to a 100m sprint, or
• Peeing on a forest fire.

5/5/2017 - May the Seventh Be With You

Barry, Cash, Dreadlock Fetus, Mike, Pastor, Scribe, Silent Bob, Tom

It was a quiet day. Not much activity ...

We called the meeting to order and immediately launched into the stupidest dialogue recorded on planet Earth thus far this year (before even half a beer had been drunk):

Barry: Can you believe they have a Star Wars day?

Tom: When was that?

Barry: May 4th. You know what they say? "May the 4th be with you."

Scribe: Yeah, but why does it fall in May?

Yes, ladies and gents. That happened.

Pastor is on a new circuit training program. He alternates:

• Beer: Monday, Wednesday, Friday (Supersets)
• Dewars: Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday
• Saturday: Rest (Cleans)

Cash is selling his art. Tom has donated some finger painting that will fetch quite a prize at auction.

And the Table 14 mantra of the week is: Silent Bob's son is a lot closer to god than Tom is.

4/28/2017 - At Least This One's Better than Green Cheese to the Head

Attendance: Not taken. There will be beatings.

Thank you yet another time for Solomon taking minutes while scribe had a call with a prospect so that his wife will stop claiming him as a dependent on her 1040.

Solomon's contributions:

To Fridays! Jim Wolff imitating the sound.....Cheers Cheers Cheers Clink, Thud (Steve Chess's empty hand). 

Gregoire has a back up nick name. Tripple B BBB the Black Benjamin Button. 

Anthony has the MOAB of watches. Gregoire said its a black mans watch. Anthony admitted to "overcompensating" and to "accidentally" concussing a few women with it during coitus. 

After events unfolded Anthony's new nickname is Karmastone. 

Evidently the price of used vehicles and gefilte fish are connected and go up quickly.

Scribe takes over:

Scribe regaled the group with a story about his roommate hitting an unsuspecting pedestrian with half a wheel of moldy Kentucky Trappist cheese as the victim cruised the quad at the University of Miami around midnight.

If you're ever under the weather, feeling crook, or have the dreaded lurgy, chewing on a moist towelette cures everything.

Have you ever seen the people with no arms masturbate? DF has, and he has that secret sauce.

And the Table 14 mantra of the week is: "My son is hung like a horse but I am not!"

4/21/2017 - These Wings are Flocking Disgusting!

Attending: Ant-ny, Benny, Cash, Chessticles, Dreadlock Fetus, Mike, Panama, Pastor, Scribe, Silent Bob, Solomon, Tango, Tom, Whitey

Table 14 was taken due to occupancy by two new members of Pastor's flock of granddaughters.

The meeting was brought to order promptly at an adjacent table at 4 o'clock, with our first order of business, revisiting Jihad Eradication. As a refresher, Cash has a Jihad of his own against Wikipedia, not having been able to publish the definition if his term on their site anonymously. You know, like a guy who still has a head. Scribe did some research, and it does seem that modifications to Wikipedia can be tied to an IP address rather than a person. Upon this explanation, the twice-fried chicken wings became garnished with Cash's brain. It was determined that Cash could define this term, but being anonymous, he could only do so if 1) he added it to an existing (not a new) article and 2) he could site a reputable work. So, Cash, add it here, and I got your reputable work right here! Enjoy your upcoming tenure at Table 12. and we don't know you.

Speaking of flocks, as proceedings ensued, it became clear that attendance would exceed the capacity of a normal table. Table 14 had to migrate to the "Big Table", which certainly has a number, but not one known to Scribe, as Southport management could not be reached for comment. Upon returning from the latrine, Pastor found his seat to be a bit cramped. His request to "grab it and pull it," thoroughly confusing half of us. We are taking up a collection to fund a bullhorn for future communication across this table and to install a basketball hoop at each end. 

Traveling down memory lane to yet another prior table topic--armageddon--Cash and SB commenced a discussion about the current extracurriculars in North Korea. It quickly became apparent that Cash knew a fair bit about Naval vessels, and upon inquiry, we discovered that Cash was a stand-in for Jack Wrangler in Naval movies to boost "morale". He was honorably discharged after a destroyer deck party where he was a stand-in for a lawn stake, and a horseshoe broke his "morale".

This is the point that Cash started asking Pastor's granddaughters if they wanted to see Jack Wrangler.

Speaking of dating, the table expressed a long repressed concern that one Dreadlock Fetus' many chickadees might possibly tie his dreads to a bedpost and steal all his belongings--still better than an Indian guy playing a banjo. Hey, I didn't have anywhere else to put it! 

Speaking of not having anywhere to put it, Dreadlock Fetus abruptly announced, "I am single again," prompting Benny to sit on an errant cork that someone had left on the deck. The fact that Dreadlock Fetus was even involved with a steady partner was--and probably still is--news to about 90% of the table.

Cash requested an entry be put in the blog that our editorial board thinks the better of including on the blog for sake of Cash's legal wellbeing. Suffice to say there was an incident involving Cash, his van, and a sheep on a bicycle. We can only assume it was a sheep because the only thing it could say was "bah, bah, bah, bah, bah!" The sheep also could not be reached for comment.

For the apparent need of all our collective clarity, here are some examples of anagrams:

And the Table 14 mantra for the week is: I got your bag right here!